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Insults

YO MOMMA'S SO FAT

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

Yo momma's so fat,
when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

Yo momma's so fat,
the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

Yo momma's so fat,
at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.

Yo momma's so fat,
Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma's so fat,
she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

Yo mama so fat,
that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.

Yo momma's so fat,
I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo mama' so fat,
she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

Yo momma's so fat,
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

Yo momma's so fat,
she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.

Yo momma's so fat,
the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.

Yo momma's so fat,
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

Yo momma's so fat,
all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"

Yo momma's so fat,
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Yo momma's so fat,
instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Yo momma's so fat,
when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

Yo momma's so fat,
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Yo momma's so fat,
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo momma's so fat,
a picture of her fell off the wall!

Yo momma's so fat,
her picture takes two frames.

Yo momma's so fat,
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

 

 

YO MOMMA'S SO UGLY

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma's so ugly,
she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma's so ugly,
just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma's so ugly,
they push her face into dough to make cookies.

Yo momma's so ugly,
they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo momma's so ugly,
they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.

Yo momma's so ugly,
instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo momma's so ugly,
her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo momma's so ugly,
her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

Yo momma's so ugly,
the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma's so ugly,
they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma's so ugly,
she made an onion cry.

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she went to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Yo momma's so ugly,
when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!

Yo momma's so ugly,
even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma's so ugly,
on Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!

Yo momma's so ugly,
she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma's so ugly,
people go as her to Halloween parties.

Yo momma's so ugly,
I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma's so ugly,
that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

YO MOMMA'S SO STUPID

Yo momma's so stupid,
she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."

Yo momma's so stupid,
she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Yo momma's so stupid,
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she ordered her sushi well done.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought she needed a token to get on soul train.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she bought a solar powered flashlight.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she sold the car for gas money.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought asphalt was a skin disease.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.

Yo momma's so stupid,
when she saw the "NC-17" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.

Yo momma's so stupid,
when she heard 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she got fired from a blow-job.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she asked you what the number for 911 was.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Doggy Dogg's holiday album.

Yo momma's so stupid,
she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home

 

GENERALLY RUDE THINGS TO SAY

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

 

Insults

sk8rs are US!!!